In a word of constant and rapid change all I want is to go back. Back to the things I know, back to the things I’m familiar with, back to basics.And don’t think I want to go back because it was better, it was just different, I was different.
I wasn’t happier, I wasn’t better, but….I was different.
I was calm, serene, in peace with me and my life. I was fine….not good, but fine.
But…..YOU came along. I MET YOU, and YOU changed me!
I do not, under any circumstances, regret meeting YOU, it’s just that….sometimes….I hate how YOU changed me, not always…..but sometimes…..sometimes.
I was different and YOU…YOU changed me. I had closed myself in a little black box and I was fine. I was immune to all the crap out there, to all the feelings, to all of everything. I was stronger, bolder, fearless and colder (and I don’t mean that in a bad way), I was……fine, just fine.
YOU came along, YOU opened my box, YOU made me open up, and once I opened up to YOU, YOU took my little black box away and YOU shred it into little pieces….and now….
Now I’m out in a word I don’t like. I’m out, I am vulnerable, I am weak, I’m scared and damaged, I am all alone in the dark, I’m sensitive, I stumble and fall, I mess up (I have a tendency for screwing things up), I get to emotional, I get scared, I get nervous, I freak out for no good reason, I……. YOU turned me into this little scared and hopeless kid who I nor recognize, like or want!
I’ve told you the worst of me and tried to give YOU the best of me, because YOU don’t deserve any less.
But the truth is that in the past few months I smiled and laughed more than I did in the past few years and I felt more alive than I ever did and YOU are the only one to blame for that! I BLAME YOU!!!
It’s weird how YOU make me laugh and cry at the same time, how YOU know exactly what to say, when to say it and how to say it so I don’t and can’t stay mad at you.
But…..like all good things that come to an end……this…..this will end too 'cause you know that everything, somehow, in someway, eventually dies. And when that happens all I want is to go back.
I just want my little black box back ‘cause it’s been a long time since I felt this way.
Forget who I am, and let me try and get closer to YOU!
P.S.: I MISS YOU! I REALLY, REALLY DO! AND THE SAD THING IS THAT I KNOW I WILL MISS YOU EVEN MORE…….
